Seeing other moms discretely breastfeed their babies while sipping lattes, answering text messages, and having in-depth conversations with their friends left me wondering what I was doing wrong. Why couldn’t I make breast-feeding look this easy? I wanted to sit at Starbucks perfectly covered by a pretty, Petunia Pickle Bottom nursing cover! Instead, I was still working on getting my baby to latch correctly without biting off my boob in the process. Would it ever get easier?
I know that you are all expecting me to say, “Yes, my daughter became a model breastfeeder! I was sipping my own lattes at Starbucks in no time.” But, the reality of the situation was that breastfeeding was always a challenge for me. My daughter eventually figured out how to latch correctly, but then she decided to start biting me! YES, BITING! After we had a pretty heated chat about how naughty it was to bite mommy, she then decided that home was the only place she liked to nurse. Each month it seemed like a new breastfeeding challenge arose. Each month, we muddled our way through.
I was determined to breastfeed for at least a year. And, although I loved the bonding that breastfeeding brought, I couldn’t help counting down the days until her first birthday. Because she was a preemie, I still had to pump in order to give her fortified bottles with breast milk. The extra step of pumping several times a day in addition to nursing left me feeling akin to a dairy cow. I was exhausted, moody, and sometimes downright irritable.
Would I do it all over again? Absolutely! Reminiscing about my love-hate relationship with breastfeeding reminds me that most things worth doing are challenging. Although breastfeeding doesn’t always get easier for some of us, neither does motherhood! Poopy diapers, skinned knees, toddler melt-downs, teenage rebellion…as moms, we are in it for the tough stuff. Although I love the beautiful moments that motherhood brings such as cuddle time, kisses on my nose, and a little hand to hold; I’m also grateful for the challenges. These remind me of what I’m made of…or at least what I’m becoming…someone a little less selfish, a little more genuine, and a lot more determined to be the best at my biggest title…MOMMY!
From The Mom in Me, MD