Today has been a little rough. As if a vaginal ultrasound probe invading my private space wasn’t enough…I was informed that my uterine lining wasn’t quite thick enough to proceed with our scheduled frozen embryo transfer next week. I have been counting down the days. I have been mentally preparing myself for the emotions of an embryo transfer, but I wasn’t prepared for my body to throw out a “stall” tactic.
Postponing an embryo transfer may not sound like a big deal, but when it includes a 10 hour, one-way road trip; your mother-in-law taking time off of work and driving 5 hours one-way to watch your daughter; your husband canceling surgeries and patient visits; and having just the right amount of meds to stay on schedule…well, you can imagine the complications of rearranging everything last-minute!
I am remembering why IVF and infertility is so explicably HARD! It is filled with uncertainties, unknowns, changes, what if’s, when’s, how’s, please help, NO’s, and reschedules. I HATE uncertainty. I’m not a control freak, but I do like the comfort and reassurance that a schedule and plan can bring. I was ready for next Thursday. I was prepared to get pregnant. Now, I’m told that I have to wait at least another week…but, that’s not even certain. And, even after all of this…a successful transfer and implantation isn’t guaranteed. Pregnancy isn’t guaranteed. Carrying a baby to a full term delivery isn’t guaranteed. What is guaranteed is that infertility SUCKS! But, I am more than infertile. I have a fertile faith, a fertile marriage, a fertile love for my miracle daughter, and a fertile hope that in spite of it all, I will become a stronger person through it all.
P.S. And, yes, the picture here of my two-year old was from today too!!! We were all a little emotional.